I am tired of speaking my needs and desires to those who propose to help and having the words fall on deaf ears. I speak the thoughts of my spirit when I am asked how I might be helped and the words repeated back to me bear little or no resemblance to what was said. It is as if there is a solidly clogged sound filter between the subject and its object. I am asked incessantly to repeat myself as if nothing that has been said previously has ever been heard. When the echo comes back to me hopelessly garbled, I have rephrased the original until my lips are numb and all to no or ill effect.
This state of affairs is now come to an end. The frustration is no longer bearable and resentment looms heavily in front of me. The time has come to end the problem. I have considered how this might be accomplished in the recent past and even set out to do that which is necessary to stop the maddening dissipation of my spirit. The depression it has driven me to must be relieved.
This time I will not fail. This time my resolve is strong and I will not be swayed by emotion.
Me non dicam ultra in perpetuum
Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce Indians was once faced with a completely intractable situation which he had tried to fight in every physical way and all to no avail. He was beaten and knew he could not win. He knew that to continue to fight would only bring the complete destruction of all he loved. His words in surrender were very poignant. He said,
I am tired of fighting. . . . I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever.
If you wish to communicate with me about my decision to stop communicating, we can do so right here–in this article. Details about my “needs” or “desires” are completely off the table. Me non dicam ultra.
If it becomes repetitive or just plain tedious, even that will cease.
Doubt me? Try me.